A Long-Awaited Heart-to-Heart
by Scarlett Oakenshield
Summary: Modern!AU. Party-King!Thranduil AU. Legolas is very unhappy when his father shows up to visit earlier than initially expected at the apartment he shares with his two best friends. Chaos ensues and Aragorn and Gimli try their best to convince Legolas to put aside his grudge and have a long-awaited Heart-to-Heart with his dad. Comedy spoof with serious undertones.


1\. An Unexpected Arrival

It was a normal, slow morning in the apartment. It was bright. Sunlight streamed in from the windows, whose drapes had been thrown back. The air smelled of freshly-brewed black coffee with the slightest hint of French toast wafting about the small room. There was also the smallest whiff of cigarette smoke, but it was mostly masked out by the pleasant other scents that currently filled the room. The windows and door was open, letting in the cool morning breeze, as air conditioning was expensive, so it was better not to turn it on until later. The television was on, down to almost a murmur, playing the 8 o'clock news. There was also the clinking of dishes as the residents of the household, still in their pajamas, quietly ate their meal at the little square table in front of the largest window in the apartment. All three figures were men. One was of average height and physique had unkempt wavy dark hair, one was tall and slender and had long, silky blonde hair pulled into a ponytail, and the last one was short and stocky, with a fiery orange beard and matching long hair that had hastily been pulled back in a messy bun.

They sat in a companionable quiet, listening to the soft murmur of the television, sipping their coffee, and eating their breakfast.

"Alright, laddie, spit it out." It was the ginger that spoke first, his guttural Scottish accent filling the room. His dark eyes scrutinized the handsome blonde.

From the rim of the mug, blue eyes stayed transfixed on the ginger. He looked at him as if he did not know what he was talking up…or…he did not want to answer.

He lowered his mug and set it softly on the placemat. "I don't know what you mean. Talk about what?"

"Something's been botherin' ya, lad. Aragorn and I both can see it, can't we?"

He looked to the edgy dark-haired, man in black and white Star Wars pajamas for a response. He nodded.

"You've been acting strange for the past few days. I was going to say something about it but Gimli beat me to it." He took another sip of his coffee, fixing his icy blue eyes on the blonde as he spoke.

Legolas sighed. "I guess there is no hiding anything from the two of you, is there?"

"Nope." They said in unison.

"So what is it, Legolas?" Aragorn pressed.

"My dad texted me…he's…coming to visit tomorrow and he'll be staying with us for a few nights. He said he wants to…get away from the mansion for awhile. So, he's coming down here."

"Well, that's alright with me! I finally get to meet your dad. Surely he's as cool as you!" Gimli replied enthusiastically.

Legolas's expression must have changed because Aragorn said, "You don't seem very thrilled about this."

"I'm not."

"Oh, c'mon laddie. He can't be that bad."

Legolas shook his head, "Trust me, Gimli. You don't want to meet him. He is not "cool" at all. In fact, he's the exact opposite."

"I feel like this is something everyone says about their parents even though it might not always be the case." Aragorn said.

"No. I am telling you that neither of you want to meet him. He's mad. When my mom died he went off the rails."

"What do you mean by that?" Aragorn questioned.

"Just…" Legolas trailed off. He was not in the mood to talk about this, even with his two best friends, "He just is…this isn't exactly something I want to talk about."

"Well, we aren't going to make you." Aragorn replied.

"Still though!" Gimli intervened, "You _should_ talk about it if it bothers you. Talking about feelings is important."

"Thank you, I appreciate that-However, the bottom line is, he'll be here tomorrow. He'll be sleeping in my room, I suppose. And…we have to make sure the apartment is in top condition. Which means we need to clean it."

Gimli muttered something about not wanting to clean up after himself.

"Which means the living room needs to be cleaned. The game controllers, the laundry, takeout boxes, and pizza boxes need to be taken care of." Aragorn said, giving Gimli a sidelong quizzical look. His frown deepened.

"While the two of you clean, I'll run out to do the grocery shopping." Legolas offered.

Gimli and Aragorn gave him a strange look. He _never_ did the grocery shopping alone, he _hated_ it. Aragorn either went by himself or Gimli and Legolas went together. However, they both figured he needed time to decompress and prepare himself for his supposed "off-the-rails" father.

Suddenly, there was some atrocious clatter followed by a bellowing voice on the floor above them.

"RADAGAST, WHY ARE THERE SO MANY WOODLAND CREATURES IN THE LIVING ROOM!? THE LANDLADY WILL HAVE OUR HEADS IF SHE SEES THIS!"

"It was raining last night and I didn't want them to catch colds!"

"UGGH…WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS ABOUT A THOUSAND TIMES ALRE—WHA-!?—GET THESE SQUIRRELS OUT OF THE SINK!"

"Sounds like Gandalf and Radagast are bickering again." Gimli pointed out the obvious.

"Well, they have basically been married for sixty years." Aragorn said. (It was common knowledge in the complex—the old gay couple on the third floor. They were infamous and sometimes labeled as "Disturbers of the Peace", but everyone loved them. Gandalf could be grumpy sometimes, and Radagast was known for being eccentric and very kooky, but everyone still loved them.)

Both the Legolas and Gimli nodded in a "go figure" sort of manner.

"Well, I'm going to go get ready to go."

"The list is on the counter." Aragorn said.

"Alright." Legolas finished the last bite of toast on his plate and the last sip of coffee before he got up and walked both the dishes into the kitchenette to set it in the sink. He turned on the faucet and rinsed his dishes before he set them in the dishwasher.

He was about to make his way to the back of the house when there was a thunderous banging on their front door.

"LEEEEEGOLAS!" sing-songed the voice outside the door, "LEGOLAS!" This voice was way too perky and way to obnoxious but the owner was clear as day.

Blue eyes widened. _Oh no! He wasn't supposed to be here this early! The house is a disaster and the fridge is empty…and all of us are still in pajamas!_

"LEGOLAS! LEGOLAS, DARLING, YOUR FATHER IS HERE! OPEN THE DOOR!" The loud knocking continued.

 _Nope! Not today!_

"Don't answer the door. No one's home." He said to his friends before he retreated to the back of the house, peering out from behind the one of the walls.

 _KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!_

"LEGGY! LEGGY, MY DARLING IT'S RUDE TO IGNORE YOUR DADDY WHEN HE SO DESPERATELY WANTS TO SEE YOU!"

He turned beat red. _No. Please don't call me that. Not in front of my friends…oh for Valar's sake…_

Aragorn went to the door. Despite Legolas's wild gestures and desperate silent pleas, he opened the door. And there stood, leaning against the door frame, the tallest and most fabulous, flamboyant blonde-haired man that was a spitting image of Legolas himself. Along with his long, fabulous silvery hair, he was covered in glitter, dressed in drag, and he wore hot pink shutter shades.

"Hello Thranduil," Aragorn said politely, "We were not expecting you until tomorrow."

"I know! But I was in the area and I just _had_ to see my boy. I _couldn't_ wait any longer. The anticipation was killing me!" He walked passed Aragorn and strutted…or, rather, staggered into the room. He was trying to strut but he had clearly had too much and it was very difficult.

Legolas ducked further behind the shelter of the wall.

"WHEW! THAT WAS ONE _HELL_ OF A PARTY!" He declared once he was in the middle of the room, "NOW…WHERE IS MY DARLING BOY? I HAVE TO… HAVE TO…SEE HIM! LEGGY! LEGGY WHERE-" He tripped on some rough patch in the carpet, stumbled and fell sideways, face planting into the floor and passing out amongst a pile of pillows and pizza boxes.

Gimli and Aragorn stood over his unconscious body and stared in awe. Legolas face-palmed hard. Then Gimli started laughing wholeheartedly, "I _like_ him!" he exclaimed. Aragorn chuckled. Legolas smacked his face against the wall in an exasperated manner.

* * *

 **A/N: This is gonna be two shot. To be honest, I don't even know why in the heck I am posting this. And YES, our sassy Elvenking is _supposed_ to be OOC. Please do not take it seriously. It is not meant to be taken seriously. And the humor is supposed to be cracky. **


End file.
